


you are the sea upon which i flow

by deepblue1996



Category: The Outsiders (1983), The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Song fic, aka the first time is not them, but they are too young to sex, everyones hormonal, johnny and dally are alive, just so I can throw in gold references, long walks on the beach, not literally small children still 14/16, pony and johnny are just fluffy stuff because they are small children, ponyboy being his angsty self, slight au where johnny didnt kill anyone aka windrixville never happened, so somehow pony shares nothing gold can stay with johnny and he understands it, sodas just kind of there but we still love him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:11:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4182861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepblue1996/pseuds/deepblue1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We've held hands before, but this feels different. This feels like we're moving toward something new, exciting, electric."</p><p>When Cherry invites the Greasers to the beach, Ponyboy and his friends discover the pretty and ugly sides of first love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the beach (ponyboy)

Have you ever felt beauty? I have. Like today, I feel beauty all around me.

I’m in the back of Dally’s convertible, top down, wind blowing through my hair, but not a strand falls out of place—I’ve got it all oiled up. The sunlight is dying slowly, melting into the sparkling sea—gosh, is that sea pretty. And I’ve got people I love with me to enjoy it all: Sodapop, Dally, Cherry, and Johnny. What could be more beautiful than this?

Cherry invited us to go to the beach with her. She said she wants to spend more time with me somewhere the Socs won’t find us. They certainly won’t be all the way out in Florida. Her family owns a house down at the beach and she thought I might want to come stay with her. Of course I said yes—how could I pass up an opportunity to go somewhere I’ve never been? And I would love to get closer to Cherry Valance. She’s got something gold about her, and I think she’s tuff. She told me I could bring some of the Greasers along. I asked all of the guys, and Soda, Dally, and Johnny were up for it. When I mentioned Dally’s coming along to Cherry, she said, “Gosh, no. I don’t want that grease punk anywhere near me!” But I could see in those pretty eyes that she didn’t actually feel that way. She eventually gave in and let him come, but only on the condition that he didn’t bother her. I knew he would probably break that rule, but I didn’t tell her that.

Dally is driving, which means it has been a bit of wild ride. Cherry keeps screaming at him to slow down and he keeps ignoring her. At one point he says, “You sure are a fiery little broad,” and winks at her in the rearview mirror, still neglecting to slow down.

Soda is sitting shotgun, whooping and laughing the whole ride, even when we nearly crash into an oncoming car. I am sitting in the back between Cherry and Johnny. Cherry seems tense and nervous because of Dally. Johnny seems tense and nervous because he is always tense and nervous.

I put my arm around his shoulder and say, “You can relax, Johnnycake. Ain’t nobody gonna hurt you at the beach. It’ll be like being out in the country—no gangs to worry about.”

He smiles gently, cheeks pink.

“Okay, Pony. I’ll try to relax.”

Cherry looks over at us, her lips curving upward.

“You two are cute.”

I blush. Feeling uncomfortable, I take my arm away from Johnny.

“Um, thanks.”

“We’re almost there, right, babe?” Dally asks, meeting Cherry’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Yes,” she grumbles, narrowing her eyes at him. “You need to take a left here…”

We pull up to a big blue house. All of us Greasers just gawk at it in disbelief. We’ve never so much as set foot in such a grand house.

Soda whistles appreciatively.

“Sure is a fancy place you got here, Cherry.”

“My folks are a little extravagant,” she mutters, getting out of the car.

We all grab our bags from the trunk. Shockingly, Dally takes both his _and_ Cherry’s bags. Soda cocks an eyebrow at him. I want to ask him why he’s suddenly acting like some southern gentleman out of _Gone with the Wind_ , but I don’t. I’m always afraid to make fun of Dally. Cherry continues to glare at him and flattens her lips into a taut, unamused line.

As we go into the beach house, Dally holds open the door for her. She walks straight past him without a word. Dally follows promptly behind her, checking her out on the way in. He lets the door slam in my face.

We each get our own bedroom in this giant house. When Cherry tells us this, I glance over at Soda anxiously. He gives me a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay, Pony,” he whispers. “We can still share a bed if you want.”

Soon enough, I’ve thrown my bag on my bed and run out the backdoor.

“Wait for me!” Johnny cries.

I hold the door open for him and let him catch up. I whip off my t-shirt, step out of my shoes, and roll up my jeans—I should probably find myself a bathing suit. It’s so hot, but in the best way. I feel like I’m made of sunlight as I run across the soft sand, Johnny at my side. When we reach the ocean’s edge, I stop so the water can wash up over my feet. It’s cold and foamy and I’ve never felt water quite like it. I watch the waves roll toward us. The sun is setting, dyeing the ocean shades of red and gold.

“Wow,” I say. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Johnny says quietly.

I feel his eyes on me, so I look over at him curiously.

“What is it?”

“Oh, nothing.” Johnny grins. “You know, Ponyboy, you’re really starting to fill out.”

My face feels as red as the sun.

“I am?”

“You sure are. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get to be as big as Darry.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not much of an athlete, not like he was.”

“Well, you’ll look good no matter what. You already look real good.”

I duck my head bashfully.

“Gee, Johnny.”

Suddenly I hear Sodapop yell, “Ponyboy! Johnny!”

He is on the porch of the house waving at us. Grinning wildly, he does a somersault through the air and lands on the sand. He almost slips and falls, but he just laughs it off and comes dashing toward us. Once he reaches us he wraps the both of us up in a bear hug.

“Can you believe we’re at the beach?” he cries, picking us up off the ground to swing us around.

Johnny and I can’t stop laughing. When he sets us down, I take off running down the beach. My feet splash through the water and sink in the wet sand.

“Pony! Where you going?” Soda calls out.

“I just want to run!”

I breathe in the salty air deeply, steadily. I want to capture the feeling of the beach inside of me.

I realize that Johnny is running along beside me. We smile at each other. Our run lasts until after dark, but we’re quiet the whole time. It’s a nice kind of quiet, the kind where it feels like you’re communicating with the other person without needing to talk. Johnny understands me. He knows each and every one of the dreams that race through my head. I’m sure he knows how happy I am right now, being here at the beach and being with him. He’s a good friend to have.

When we get close to the house, we slow to a walk. I see Dally standing alone on the porch, smoking a weed.

“I sure hope ole Dal doesn’t get too bored here,” Johnny says. “I don’t know why he bothered coming.”

“I know why. He wants to get Cherry to go out with him.”

The sentences came out sounding clipped and bitter.

Johnny glances over at me inquisitively.

“Why does that bother you?”

“I don’t know,” I grumble.

He lowers his eyes to the ground.

“Pony, it’s okay. You can tell me if you like her.”

I feel a blush creep into my face.

“I guess maybe I do.”

He nods slowly, and then he says, “That’s great, Pony. I hope she likes you too.”

Johnny smiles at me, but in a stiff sort of way that doesn’t light up his dark eyes. Then he turns away to head up to the house. I just stand there and watch my small friend disappear into the house, leaving me with nothing but confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :) I am having so much fun writing this so hopefully it's fun to read too. I'm just so excited to be able to share my love for The Outsiders through this story. I would love to hear any thoughts you all have on it. :) And if you think I should keep writing, let me know!


	2. ponyboy's crush (cherry)

Dallas Winston is going to destroy me.

This was the worst idea, letting him come along on this trip. I’m going to fall hard for him, if I haven’t already. After we arrived at the house, I went right up to my room and waited for him. I kept expecting him to come knocking and then we would be alone in my bedroom and I would finally let my guard down. I wanted to know if I could soften his hard ice eyes. I wanted to know what it would feel like to press my mouth up against his, to touch his skin…

Eventually, I realized I was being crazy. I locked my bedroom door and promised myself I wouldn’t open it for him.

In the middle of the night, I wake up to the sound of knocking. I lie in bed, my body stiff with panic. Dally is at my door.

_Don’t let him in._

I slowly lower my feet to the cold floor. I walk over to the door, shivering in my light nightgown.

“Yes?” I say timidly.

I’ve never felt so scared in my life.

“Cherry?” a small, urgent voice whispers. “It’s Johnny. Could I talk to you?”

_Johnny?_

My heart falls with disappointment.

I open the door and motion him inside, closing it behind him. I suddenly notice that I’m hardly wearing anything, but Johnny doesn’t seem to notice so I guess it’s okay. It’s refreshing to be around a gentleman like him who doesn’t eye up my body.

“It’s two in the morning, Johnny. What is this all about?”

Johnny’s dark eyes are bright with anxiety, as usual. But I have never seen him looking quite this strung out before. He can’t seem to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry it’s so late. I just couldn’t sleep and I had to ask you something.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

He swallows nervously.

“Uh, do you like Ponyboy?”

“Of course I do. He’s a good friend.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean… are you _into him_?”

“Oh,” I breathe, surprised. “Well, I can’t say I’ve really thought about him in that way.”

He nods slightly, looking a bit relieved.

I think of Ponyboy and how he just can’t seem to stop talking when he’s around me and the way he looks at me with stars in his eyes…

“I see what this is about,” I say.

Johnny’s face flames red.

“You do?” he squeaks.

“Pony likes me, doesn’t he?”

His eyes are wide with panic again.

“That’s real sweet,” I say softly. “I do think Pony is a great guy and all. But don’t you think I’m a little old for him?”

He nods quickly.

“Yeah, maybe you are.”

“I am three years older than him. I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.”

Johnny looks absolutely horrified.

“You’re going to _think_ about it?” he says, sounding flustered. “Cherry, you either like him or you don’t! What is there to think about?”

“Johnny, why are you getting so upset?”

His eyes escape from mine as he says, “I’m not upset. I probably just need to sleep. That was all I wanted to talk to you about so I think I’ll go now. Goodnight, Cherry.”

He smiles, but I catch a glimpse of unhappiness in his eyes as he leaves. I don’t understand what I said that freaked him out so much… I really don’t understand much about Johnny Cade in the first place. He’s so quiet that he never really tells anyone what he’s thinking or feeling. I’m pretty sure Ponyboy is the only person he opens up to. I’ll ask Johnny if he’s okay in the morning, but I bet he’ll tell me he’s fine even if he’s not.

When I lie back down, I think of Ponyboy instead of Dally. Pony is the sweetest guy I’ve ever known; he would definitely treat me good, much better than Bob ever did before we broke up, and probably much better than Dally ever would if we got together. And I must admit, Ponyboy sure is awfully pretty. But he’s just a kid… Is he really ready for a relationship? And surely he wouldn’t want to deal with all of my stupid problems. Like that one problem named Dally.

I can’t say Dally is sweet like Ponyboy. As far as I know, he’s tough all around. But maybe he’s like Bob—maybe there’s something soft and kind at his core, hidden beneath all that harshness. Maybe he could love, if the right person came along.

I fall into dreams of Dallas once again, and I feel his lips hot against my ear.

“You’re mine, Cherry,” that deep deep voice murmurs. “All mine.”

In the morning, I slip into a bikini. I consider going downstairs in just that, but I chicken out and put on a cover-up. When I reach the kitchen, I see that Ponyboy is the only one up. He’s mixing something in a bowl.

“Morning, Pony,” I say.

He looks up at me, startled.

“Oh. Hey, Cherry.”

His eyes dart back to whatever’s in that bowl, like he’s too nervous to make eye contact. I don’t feel nervous. I guess I’m kind of used to boys having crushes on me.

“What are you mixing there?”

“Uh, cake batter.”

“You’re making cake for breakfast?”

“Yeah. Soda, Darry, and I always have chocolate cake for breakfast.”

“Well that sure sounds like a fun tradition.”

Ponyboy nods, smiling shyly. He pours the dark batter into two pans and puts them in the oven. Then he starts to lick the batter off his spoon.

“Hey,” he says, holding the spoon out to me, “do you want any?”

“Sure.”

We pass the spoon back and forth between us, scooping the leftover batter out of the bowl and sharing it. Pony seems pretty happy.

“Pony, how did you get chocolate on your nose?” I say, giggling.

He blushes and tries to wipe it off unsuccessfully.

“I’ll get it,” I say.

I reach out and brush my thumb over the tip of his nose. His blush deepens even more.

“Thanks,” he mumbles as I lick the batter off my thumb.

I think about telling him I know about his crush, but I don’t want to embarrass him even more.

“What’s cooking?” a low voice suddenly booms.

Dally is leaning up against the doorframe in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest. He wears his usual cool expression with the slightest hint of smirk. His eyes latch onto me, an impish gleam lighting up all that icy blue. I have to look away—he just makes me so nervous.

“I’m making cake, Dal,” Ponyboy says.

He looks a little disappointed, like he doesn’t really want Dally here.

Apparently Dally notices this too because he says, “Sorry if I interrupted alone time with your girlfriend, but I’m real starved, kid.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Pony insists, face redder than I’ve ever seen it.

Dally just grins at his embarrassment and says, “Maybe not, but you sure want her to be, don’t you? Why don’t you just ask her out?”

A hot wave of anger passes through my body.

“Why do you have to be a jerk?” I snap, shoving past Dally.

I march out of the house and onto the beach. I thought only Bob could irritate me this much.

“Hey!” I hear Dally call out. “Where you going?”

“I don’t know!” I yell back.

He catches up to me quickly. I could try to run away from him, but I don’t.

“Come on, I was just messing around with the kid,” he says. “I don’t see what there is for you to get so worked up over.”

“You didn’t need to be so mean to him. I think this is his first crush and he’s already really embarrassed about it as it is. You didn’t have to go and embarrass him even more.”

“Hey, he was too scared to put his feelings out there so I just put his feelings out there for him. Now he’s one step closer to working up the nerve to ask you out. I was really just _helping_ him.”

He breaks into another wicked grin.

“You’re awful, Dallas.”

“I bet you like that, don’t you?” he says, grin widening.

I turn my face from him, hoping he won’t see that I’ve caught Ponyboy’s blushing disease.

“Actually, no. I think you should apologize to him.”

“Seriously?” he groans, and I glare at him. He throws his hands up in resignation, saying, “Fine. Maybe I was a little mean. I’ll tell him I’m sorry and whatever.”

“Good. Now let’s go back to the house. I want cake.”

He laughs his signature low, throaty laugh. I’ve never heard anyone laugh quite like that before. Somehow it sounds goofy and sexy all at once.

If he tried to kiss me right now, I wouldn’t be able to stop him.

After all, I can hardly stop _myself_ from kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has kept reading. :) It was really cool to get inside of Cherry's head for this chapter. I'm going to continue switching out POVs every chapter--next chapter will probably be narrated by Johnny. I'm going to be delving into his feelings for Ponyboy. :) Hope you guys are liking this story!


	3. my everything (johnny)

I’m in love.

There’s a boy who holds me when I’m scared or sad or just plain lonely. He has dreams that float around in his green-gray eyes day and night. He likes to lose himself and find himself in movies and books. He loves his brothers and his friends unconditionally. He likes sunsets and chocolate cake and the smell of grass on warm summer days. He’s not quite sure who he is, but I’m sure.

I’m in love, and it’s painful and wonderful all at once.

Ponyboy is the one constant person I have in my life. The other Greasers are there for me too, of course. But things with Ponyboy are different… He just understands me in a way the others don’t. I can talk to him about anything and he listens. He holds me together when I feel like I’m falling apart.

I realized I love Ponyboy almost a month ago. We were out in the lot together, looking up at the stars. I wanted to die, and I told him. But then, as this beautiful boy tried his best to comfort me, I knew that I couldn’t kill myself. I could never leave Ponyboy Curtis behind because I just couldn’t possibly get on without him. He’s not just my friend; he’s my everything.

Now I watch him on the beach. He’s doing cartwheels on the sand, laughing all the while. His laughter is the richest sound I’ve ever heard; it fills me up and makes me feel like a whole person. He looks over at me and grins. My heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my chest.

“You getting a sunburn, kiddo?” Dally asks me, squinting in the sunlight. “Your face is all red.”

I shrug, unable to stop myself from smiling wide.

“What’s with the goofy grin?” Dally’s heavy brows knit together in thought, and then he smirks knowingly. “You know, you’ve been acting real funny lately... You’ve got the hots for someone, don’t you?”

The warmth drains out of my face. I glance over at Pony, but he seems to be far enough away that he didn’t hear. He and Soda have been showing off their tumbling skills a little distance away from us while I’ve been sitting out on a towel with Dally and Cherry. Cherry looks away, pretending she didn’t hear Dally, but I can tell she did.

“Let’s take a little walk, Johnny,” Dally says to me, grinning.

He puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk down the beach. I love when he acts like this, like he’s my big brother or something.

“So who’s the lucky broad?” He glances back at the others. “Is it Cherry? Everyone seems to have a hard-on for her.”

I shake my head.

“Nah, it’s someone else.”

He nods slowly, seeming to realize I really don’t want to say who it is.

“Okay. Well, whoever it is, she must be a total knockout to have caught your attention. I was beginning to think you would never get interested in girls.”

He laughs so I laugh too, but in a nervous sort of way.

“So are you gonna ask her out, man?”

“I don’t know… If I did, I’m not sure the answer would be yes.”

“Hey, you’ve gotta give it a shot. What have you got to lose? And it’s about time you get yourself a girl. You’re gonna start feeling real hot and bothered soon if you don’t find someone to take care of your, uh, _needs_.”

“Geez, Dal,” I mutter, hot embarrassment spreading through my body.

“It’s true, kid. Getting into someone’s pants is the best thing you can do to clear your head. But you’ve gotta remember to be safe, okay? When you go on a date with this girl, make sure you _come prepared_ , if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I know what you mean,” I say with exasperation. He is really making me very uncomfortable.

“And when you’re ready to get in there and do your thing, don’t get nervous. It’ll come naturally to you as long as you don’t freak.”

“Okay, Dal, I get it. Thanks for the advice and all, but I’m not even thinking about… _that_ , not right now.”

“All right, buddy. I just don’t want you going in blind when the time comes. I’m sure your old man didn’t talk to you about this—mine sure didn’t bother. But I want things to be different for you. So if you need to talk about anything, you can come to me.”

There’s an almost fond look in his eyes as he says this to me. Dally always has seemed to have a soft spot for me, but it’s still pretty rare that I see that coldness leave his eyes.

“Thanks,” I say, smiling. “I think I’ll tell this person how I feel. What can it hurt, right?”

My breath catches as soon as the words leave my mouth. It could hurt a lot. It could hurt the best friendship I’ve ever had. But I’ve got to tell him. I might explode if I don’t.

He smiles back and ruffles up my hair.

“Good for you, Johnnycake.”

Then I say, “But you’ve got to tell Cherry how you feel about her.”

He shakes his head and chuckles.

“Johnny, girls like that don’t go for guys like me.”

“You could try. She seems different from the other Socs.”

“Even if she is different, she still hates me. You’ve seen how she’s always yelling at me.”

“I haven’t seen her yelling at you today. You should just ask her out and see what happens. Maybe she yells at you because she likes you. I mean, you pick on her because you like her, right? So maybe it’s like that.”

He shrugs.

“I don’t know, man. I guess I’ll do it if it means you’ll ask out your girl.”

I smile again.

“Sounds like a deal.”

He smiles too and says, “I have never seen you smile this much, kid. Keep it up.”

I guess I really never have smiled this much in my life. Of course Pony has always made me happy but I’ve been especially giddy ever since I realized how I feel. I haven’t felt dark in a long time. Death hasn’t wormed its way into my head once since that bright night in the lot.

I think loving him has really saved my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is my little sweet pea. :) Sorry this chapter was so short. The next one should be longer--big things will be happening. :) Dally will be narrating so I think it will be a fun time. Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you're liking it!


	4. strawberry ice cream (dally)

Have you ever found that one person who makes your blood run hot and fast every time you see her? I sure have, and I really need to do something about it. The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about her. Sure, I love thinking about girls and all but this is different. Cherry Valance makes my body feel like it’s going to split in two if I don’t grab her and taste her right then and there. And then there’s the fact that she hates me. This should bother me, right? But instead, every time she pushes me away I just get even hotter for her.

I’ve never known a girl like her, sexy and classy and full of enough passion for the both of us. Maybe I need a little more passion in my life, I don’t know. I guess all I’ve really got is finding new ways to get into jail, which gets boring, and Johnny, who is more than enough right now—but how long until he grows up and leaves? Soon enough he’ll have a girl and he won’t even need me anymore. Without Johnny, I think I would die of boredom so I’d better find something to keep me interested in life. Hopefully that something involves nailing Cherry Valance.

Today we’re out on the beach again. It’s just me, Cherry, Johnny, and Pony. Soda asked if he could borrow my car for something, and he’s been gone for the past few hours. I really hope he’s out getting laid by some dumb blonde with big boobs. He hasn’t had any action since Sandy left him a few months ago and he really needs some. He still talks about Sandy all the time and I hate seeing how weak she made him. Soda just needs to get over her already. He could get any girl on the planet to jump into bed with him and instead he chooses to mope around over a scared little girl who ran away from him. This is exactly why I don’t fall in love.

The four of us have been sharing a big bowl of cherries, all of us sprawled out on our beach towels. At one point, I tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue to give Cherry an idea of how talented of a kisser I am, but she does not seem impressed. Nothing is impressing her.

Suddenly feeling annoyed at everything, I scratch hard at the hot skin on my arms, which is now tinted pink. I hate all of this sun.

“You sure you don’t want any sunblock?” Cherry asks me, stifling laughter.

I perk up at her near-smile. “I don’t need any sunblock. Unless of course you’d like to put it on me.”

Her face flames with irritation, all traces of laughter escaping from her features. She grabs the bottle of lotion and throws it down beside me before rising from her beach towel. “You can do that yourself.”

I slide my sunglasses down my nose so she can see my eyes—I have to squint in the sunlight but I think it adds to the smoldering effect I’m going for. “But I don’t want to do it myself.”

Refusing to meet my eyes, she declares, “I’m getting ice cream,” and storms off in the opposite direction as if I just told her I have the plague. She’s wearing this tight little yellow bikini that showcases her ass in just the right way. I groan.

“ _God_ , why does she hate me so much? I don’t see what I’m doing wrong.”

Johnny says, “I really don’t think she hates you. Just ask her out already.”

Pony flashes a hurt look at Johnny, who glances away with shame. I do feel bad for Pony. I apologized to him yesterday for teasing him so much about his crush on her. He seemed shocked to hear the words “I’m sorry” come out of my mouth; I was shocked too. I can’t remember the last time I apologized to anyone.

Now I almost tell him he can have her right after I get her in bed, but I can’t form the words. I can’t stand to think about Pony or anyone else dating her.

My eyes find Cherry; she’s at the ice cream cart some distance away from us. She smiles at the vendor and she just looks so damn pretty. I start to think about what she would look like naked and I forget Ponyboy.

I rise up from my towel and run over to her. She flinches when I suddenly pop up right beside her, as if I’m the scariest monster she’s ever seen.

“I’ve got that,” I declare to the vendor, pulling out some money from my pocket. I haven’t got much, but I have enough to pay for a cone.

“Oh, I can pay for it,” Cherry insists, looking uncomfortable.

“No, it’s my treat, beautiful.”

I hand the money to the vendor and he hands a cone of strawberry ice cream to Cherry. As we walk away, she says, “You really didn’t need to do that.” Her voice is unsteady. She then pretends to focus on eating her ice cream, but her eyes keep shifting over to me. I stare at her the whole time, and she starts to blush. I smirk with pleasure.

“I want to ask you something, Cherry.”

A deep pause. “And what is that?”

She finally dares to meet my eyes. Her green eyes look so afraid yet so fearless all at once.

Before I even know what I’m doing, I step toward her and grab her around the waist. Her mouth parts in shock and her ice cream falls to the ground. Before she can even figure out how to react, my lips are crashing into hers. She gasps into my mouth. Without intending to, I growl into hers. Cherry puts her hands on my chest as if to push me away, but instead they slide up around my neck to pull me even closer to her body. _She’s kissing me back_. Her tongue is hot in my mouth and I can taste strawberry ice cream and nothing has ever tasted better.

After we part, she just stares at me, dumbfounded by what just happened. Her lips are red and swollen and I already want to kiss her again.

Breathing heavily, I blurt out, “Will you go on a date with me?”

“Okay,” she says without even needing to think about her answer.

She smiles wide, and I know I’ve got her now. I really hope I’ve got her for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks so much to everyone who has kept up with this story! I'm sorry it took me so long to post again... Once school started I just had no time. I'm going to keep writing this, but it may be a while before I get another chapter done... Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed! :)


	5. the wave (ponyboy)

I watch Dally and Cherry some distance away from us, smiling and touching and kissing. Hot jealousy swirls in my gut. I turn my gaze to the ocean and focus on the angry pounding of the waves.

“Pony?” Johnny says softly. “Do you wanna go cool off in the ocean?”

One look at those concerned puppy dog eyes and I feel less miserable already. “Yeah, okay.”

We wander out into the water until it’s up to our waists. For a while, we stand there and let the cold waves slam into our bodies, at least until one huge wave knocks us both down. The water pulls me under and it feels beautiful aside from all the salt I ingest. I don’t struggle against it—I wonder what it would feel like to let the ocean take me away? I’d like to find out, I decide without considering the possibility of death.

Johnny grabs my hand and pulls me out of the water. Now in a standing position, I cough up the whole ocean.

“Are you okay, Pony?” Johnny asks, sounding rather alarmed.

“I’m fine,” I choke out. “Thanks… for saving me.”

“No sweat, man. You wanna head back to shore?”

“Not yet,” I say, still feeling invigorated by the ocean.

I realize that Johnny is still holding my hand, but I don’t pull away. I like how comfortable it feels to hold hands with him, and it’s not like anyone is looking at us. Plus, it would be helpful to have some extra support against oncoming monster waves. Johnny always makes me feel so much stronger. I could take on the entire world with him at my side. So we stay that way for a while, united by this chain we’ve formed with our hands.

Although I don’t think I could ever tire of the ocean, I eventually decide that it’s time to return to reality. I yell this to Johnny over the waves, and he nods. He finally lets go of my hand and makes eye contact with me as he does so. He blushes, but I don’t understand why.

As we head back to shore, Johnny says, a little nervously, “Could I buy you some ice cream?”

“Oh, sure thing. Thanks, Johnnycake.”

He grabs his worn wallet from our beach towel. I glance around, but I don’t see Dally or Cherry anywhere. I try not to think about how Cherry looked in her swimsuit.

After we’ve ordered our ice cream, chocolate for me and vanilla for Johnny, he says, “Why don’t we walk down the beach for a while?”

“Sounds good.”

We quietly eat our ice cream as we stroll down the beach together. Johnny keeps glancing over at me anxiously.

“What is it, Johnny?” I ask.

“Oh… I just… Well, I wanted to apologize for before. You know, when I kind of encouraged Dal to go after Cherry. I know you like her, so I really shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t being a good friend to you, and I’m real sorry about that.”

Johnny ducks his head, looking awfully ashamed. My heart hurts just at the sight of him feeling so bad about himself.

“It’s really okay. You’re Dal’s friend too and you were only trying to give him good advice, which you did… You are a good friend to me. You’re the best friend I’ve got, and this doesn’t change that. You’ll always be my best friend, Johnnycake.”

Johnny’s dark eyes have gone all misty, as if he might cry. I don’t know what to do, so I wrap him up in my arms. Johnny hugs me back, holding on tightly to my bare back and resting his head on my shoulder.

“You’ll always be my best friend too,” he murmurs happily.

It’s the kind of hug that lasts so long that it turns your heart all soft and warm. I’m so content here in his arms that I never even think to let go of him. Johnny is the one to finally pull away, his face flushed. He smiles gently at me.

“Let’s keep walking,” he says, and we do.

After a couple minutes of comfortable quiet, he speaks up again: “How are you feeling, Pony? About Cherry, I mean.”

“I don’t know. I’m not too thrilled about it, but I’ll get over it. It’s not like Cherry ever would’ve liked me back anyhow.”

“Well,” Johnny says, “Cherry sure is missing out on one hell of a guy.”

I grin. “Thanks, Johnny.”

As we continue to walk together, Johnny gets real quiet and thoughtful. His eyes take on this strange, excited glow and his face looks all red and hot.

“Whatcha thinking about?” I ask.

He turns his glowing eyes to me and, in a weird, tight voice, says, “I’ve been thinking about kissing.”

“Oh.”

I feel my face go all red and hot too.

“Don’t you ever think about kissing?” Johnny asks.

“Sure, I guess I do.”

“What do you think it would be like?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Then I add on lamely, “It looks kinda messy.”

Johnny chuckles. “Yeah, I guess it does. I think it might be pretty fun though.”

“It probably is. Was there anyone in particular you were thinking about… kissing?”

He goes completely silent and blanches, halting where he is. I stop walking too.

“Sorry,” I say quickly. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”

He just stares at me for the longest time, so long that I blush out of embarrassment. Johnny bites his lip, hard. Then he takes a deep breath, hands trembling as he does so.

“Ponyboy, I want to give you something.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll show you back at the house. Come on,” he says, nodding toward the beach house, which isn’t too far away from us.

We’re both silent all the way there. Still shaking, Johnny can’t even look at me. I just don’t know what to make of his behavior. He’s so nervous that he’s making _me_ nervous. I try to ignore the feeling and instead focus on the setting sun and all its brilliant hues of red and orange and gold.

After we’ve gotten inside the house, however, the sunset is nowhere to be seen and I have nothing to focus on except Johnny. I’m so worked up that I’m sweating, and I don’t even know why.

Without looking at me, he says, “Um, it’s up in my room. You can just, uh, stay here. I’ll be right back.”

I don’t say anything as he bounds up the stairs, almost tripping as he does so. I attempt to steady my breathing as I wait for his return.

He comes back to me less than a minute later, and he finally meets my eyes. He smiles, and it’s a little twitchy, but it’s also a hopeful smile. Behind his back, he holds something in his hands. He walks up to me in a shy, hesitant way that reminds me so much of the day we met. He was so afraid of me at the time because I was a stranger whom he couldn’t trust. Now he’s afraid of me again, but I’m no stranger anymore. Why should he be afraid of his best friend?

He has to take a moment to steel himself before he speaks.

“Ponyboy,” he says in a soft, velvety tone that doesn’t match all of his anxiety. “Hold out your hands, and close your eyes.”

“You didn’t need to get me a present,” I say, chuckling nervously as I close my eyes.

It feels like my hands are waiting for his gift for a long, long time.

And then suddenly, I feel it. Something solid yet light. Something smooth on the outside but filled with rough pages. Something I know and love deeply.

A book.

I open my eyes to see my very own copy of _Gone with the Wind_ in my hands.

“Johnny!” I cry, all of my senseless anxiety disappearing. “How’d you know I wanted _Gone with the Wind_ so badly?”

“Oh, I just remembered you mentioning something about it once,” he says, smiling at my excitement. “I was thinking we could read it together?”

“That’d be great, Johnny! Do you wanna read some right now?”

Johnny’s face tightens. “Uh, I’m actually pretty tired. I think I’m gonna shower off and then take a nap. But… you go ahead and start it yourself. You can catch me up on what happens.”

“Okay. Thank you so much, Johnny.”

I give him a big grin, and he tries to smile back. He still looks so afraid, and I just don’t understand. As I watch him walk upstairs, I wonder after my mystery of a friend. After he’s gone, my confusion quickly takes second place to my enthusiasm about this book. I’ve just got to start it now.

I open _Gone with the Wind_ , ready to read about Scarlett O’Hara, but instead, a letter tumbles out from between the pages. Setting down the book, I pick the letter up off the floor. My name is written in careful letters on the back of the envelope. I open it to read it, and everything changes:

 

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_I’ve been keeping a lot from you because I’m so afraid of what you’ll think of me. I can’t lose you as a friend, Ponyboy. I couldn’t possibly get on without you. Please keep that in mind as you read my letter. I wish I could tell you this in person, but I just can’t work up the courage. For now, writing will have to do._

_For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt different than other boys. I never liked girls much, not even when I was supposed to start liking them. Whenever the boys talk to me about how pretty their girlfriends are and whatever, I just don’t understand. I don’t see what they see. I don’t want to kiss girls like they do. I didn’t know what was wrong with me… until I noticed you._

_Ponyboy, you are the best friend I’ve ever had. You hold me together when I’m falling apart, which is most of the time. You make me happy. And I mean really happy. I just love every moment I spend with you. I love how beautiful life is when we’re together. And do you know why life is beautiful when we’re together? It’s because you are the most beautiful person I have ever known._

_Every time I look at you, I feel like I’m going to burst into flames or like my heart is going to stop for good, yet I feel so entirely safe. I’m in love with you, Ponyboy Curtis. I don’t want to kiss girls, but I want to kiss you. I can’t get you out of my head, and I don’t want to get you out of my head._

_I know you must feel very shocked. I also know that you probably do not feel the same way about me, and that’s okay. But I had to be honest with you. I couldn’t go on living a lie. I hope you still want to be my friend, but I understand if you can’t do that. Come talk to me whenever you’re ready, but go ahead and take your time to think._

_I really hope I didn’t ruin everything._

_Love,_

_Johnny_

I have to read it over and over again to make sure I’m understanding it right. By the time I’m done reading for the fourth time, I’m crying. My heart is beating almost as hard as it was when I found out my parents were dead. Johnny can’t love me, not like _that_. How could he be in love with _me_? He’s supposed to love girls, so why doesn’t he? I can love girls… right? I think of Cherry, but then I shy away from the image of her. I don’t know if I even want her anymore. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know anything anymore. I feel like that huge wave from earlier just pounded me into the sand again. It feels beautiful and terrifying, and hell, does it hurt. Now I need to decide: should I let the ocean take me away, or should I swim back to shore? Every emotion I’ve ever felt is so mixed up inside of me that I don’t think I can answer that question, not now and maybe not ever.

I still hear the shower running. I rush up the stairs and into the room that I share with Soda before Johnny comes out of the bathroom. I can’t bear to look at him right now.

I’m not sure if I will ever be able to bear looking at him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! :) I'm so excited that I was finally able to share this chapter with you!! Seriously, I have been waiting so long to write this. Writing about my gay son coming out to the love of his life was a very emotionally fulfilling experience for me. My poor Pony is so confused though... Writing about sexually confused teens is such a wild ride. Stick around for the next chapter if you'd like to read about Dally and Cherry's first date--we're going to have some fun with them ;)


	6. the golden girl and the greaser (cherry)

I wait for him. I’m in a yellow dress, perched anxiously on the edge of my bed. Dally is picking me up for our first official date at nine, which is in just a few minutes. I’m expecting him to be late, but I’m ready early anyway. I’ve been sitting here all ready for about twenty minutes now—I was just so excited that I couldn’t help getting dressed up much earlier than I needed to. So I wait for him, and I think of him. I think of him until I can’t stop smiling.

The sound of knocking startles me out of my daydreams. I jump up and hurry over to the door. But before I open it, I take a deep breath to calm myself. I wouldn’t want to seem too eager, after all.

As soon as I see him, however, my resolve to hide any eagerness instantly crumbles.

Dallas Winston towers above me, tall and sturdy. His white blonde hair tumbles in soft waves around the hard, elf-like features of his face. At the sight of me, his mouth curves up into that crooked, smart-ass smirk of his that always makes me want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. His icy blue eyes glint dangerously, and I feel like I’m going to pass out in the best way.

I eye up his outfit—the usual jeans and leather jacket, but underneath the jacket—a _button-down shirt_.

“Did you dress up for me?” I ask incredulously.

He shrugs. “Sodapop said you would like it. He’s the one who lent the shirt to me.” He fiddles with the collar, looking rather irritated. “It feels so tight. And I look like a square.”

I giggle. “No, you don’t. You look real good.”

“Oh, do I?” he asks in his naturally cocky tone, waggling his eyebrows at me.

“Oh my God.” I roll my eyes. “Why exactly am I going out with you?”

“Because you think I look real good.”

“Shut up,” I tell him as he puts his arm around me. I try not to smile too much.

As we walk past Ponyboy’s bedroom, I feel a pang of guilt. He’s been in there all day with the door locked. I hope he isn’t too upset that I’m going out with Dally.

Downstairs, we find Sodapop and Johnny sitting on the couch. Johnny stares at us silently, his dark eyes wild with panic. Sodapop, calm and radiant, grins up at us.

“Look at the beautiful couple,” he declares cheerfully. “You’d better _not_ behave yourselves tonight, you hear?”

“Sodapop!” I cry, my face heating up with embarrassment.

Sodapop lets out a whooping laugh. Dally laughs along with him, guiding me away from the boys and toward the front door.

Outside, the Florida air isn’t muggy for once. A refreshing breeze cools my blushing cheeks as I unsuccessfully try to forget Sodapop’s joke.

“So,” I say, “where exactly are you taking me?”

“Now what would be the fun in telling you that?” He squeezes my arm. “Don’t worry, you’ll like it.”

The car ride to our mystery destination is fast and quiet. Usually Dally’s crazy driving freaks me out, but tonight it just makes me feel alive. The convertible’s top is down, and the wind blows through my hair. I breathe in the sea salt air, I breathe in the nighttime, I breathe in Dally’s wild energy. I feel his hand on my bare knee, and I _want_ …

Before I can figure out what exactly I want, Dally pulls into a grassy lot with a giant movie screen.

“A drive-in?” I ask, delighted.

“Yeah. I thought we could re-do our first meeting. Maybe with a little less yelling and a little less coke in my face.”

I laugh at the thought of our ugly first encounter. What he didn’t know about that night was that even while I felt beyond furious with him, I also felt pretty turned on.

“I’m still not sorry about throwing that coke in your face,” I tell him.

He laughs, low and throaty, as he stops to pay for our tickets.

After he finds a place to park, he turns to me and asks, “Do you think you’ll let me kiss you this time?” His eyes, bright and hungry, linger on my lips.

I have to swallow hard before I can speak. “Possibly.”

He grins at me, and I can’t help but grin right back at him.

“How about I grab us some cokes?” he suggests, opening his car door.

“That sounds great,” I say, smoothing my windblown hair back behind my ear.

“As long as you promise not to use your coke as a weapon against me.”

“I promise,” I laugh. He saunters off toward the concession stand, and I can’t help but check him out from behind.

Just before the movie starts, he returns with our cokes. The movie turns out to be _Psycho_ , a scary movie from several years back that I never watched. Actually, I never really watch scary movies. Violence bothers me so much that I can’t stand them. I decide not to tell Dally this because I really don’t want to ruin our date.

The movie begins slowly, and I’m okay for a while. But then the screaming and the stabbing starts, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut.

I feel Dally wrap his arm around me, and he says, “Does this movie scare you?”

I crack my eyes open to watch a dying Janet Leigh fall down in the shower. “No.”

Dally chuckles, and then he pulls my body closer to his. He places his large, rough hand on my face, and I turn away from the horror on screen to look at him. The passion in his eyes is almost as violent as the movie.

In a deep, husky tone, he says, “Do I scare you?”

I stare at him for a moment, considering his question. Dallas Winston is violent. Someone like him could break me. But somehow, I know that he won’t break me. He will change my whole world, but he won’t break me.

“No,” I whisper, moving my face closer to his. “You don’t scare me at all.”

And then he kisses me harder than I’ve ever been kissed. I feel him burning in my mouth, on my skin, everywhere. I feel the sharp planes of his face beneath my hands. I feel the brutish strength of his arms wrapped around my body. Dallas Winston is burning sharp _violent_ , and I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

_He will change my whole world._

When he stops, he breathes heavy against my skin. He meets my gaze with his ice eyes and he asks breathily, “Are you _sure_ I don’t scare you?”

“Maybe you should scare me… but you don’t.”

Dally nods slowly, his eyes lighting up. And then he smiles the first genuinely happy smile I have ever seen on his face.

As the movie progresses, the two of us progressively grow disinterested in it. Dally kisses me a lot, especially during the scary scenes. Every kiss leaves me wanting and burning. By the end of the movie, my heart is full of Dallas Winston.

Dally takes me home close to midnight, right after the movie finishes. When we arrive, the beach house is dark and silent. We go inside and up the stairs together, hand in hand. I focus on the feeling of his hand firm around mine, and I suddenly know he is good.

“I wonder where those kids got off to,” Dally mumbles, glancing at the empty bedrooms of Ponyboy and Johnny. “They’re usually sleeping by now.” He turns his gaze to me, his eyes glowing softly in the dimness. “I guess you probably want to get to bed yourself, don’t you?”

“I’m not tired.”

“Oh. Well, do you want to take a walk on the beach or something?”

Before I can stop myself, I grab his sharp face in my hands and pull him down to my mouth. I kiss him with all the fire I feel for him, for this boy who is violent yet good. And then I whisper against his lips, “I want you to come into my room.”

His eyelids flutter open in shock. He stares at me with disbelief, and I stare back at him with certainty.

“ _Why_ do you want me to come into your room?” he asks.

I take his hand and press it against my breast, just above my pounding heart.

“Do you feel that?” I ask quietly. “That’s the way I feel about you. That’s the way I always feel about you, whether I’m kissing you or just looking at you… I can’t stand feeling like this and not doing anything about it.”

His eyes flash, icy hot. “You want me to come into your room,” he says slowly.

“I want you to come into my room, Dally,” I confirm, my voice trembling only slightly. “I want you—”

Abruptly, Dally swoops me up into his arms and kisses me. He carries me into my room, kicking the door shut behind us, and he lays me down on my bed. _I remember lying here in this same place when I was fourteen, dreaming of a lover’s touch._ I hear his jacket fall to the floor. _Sometimes old dreams become flesh and bone reality, and they change your whole world._ Dally is shirtless, his body wedged between my legs. _Sometimes two very different worlds come together and create a new world._ Dally unzips my dress. _A new world._

“I’ve never done this,” I blurt out, breathing hard. I’m in my underwear and Dally is holding me and his lips are on my neck and this is so _new_ that I can’t help but say something.

Dally pushes himself up so that his face is above mine. “You never had sex with your boyfriend?” he asks, intrigued.

“No. I loved him, but… things never felt quite right with him.”

“Do things feel right with me?”

“Yes,” I say automatically. “I don’t know why exactly, but this feels right.”

“It must be because I’m just so damn charming.” He grins down at me.

“Yes, that must be it,” I laugh. I brush my fingers through the soft waves of his hair, and I almost start to cry because he’s just so beautiful. “I’m sorry I interrupted you. It’s just… this is so important.”

“ _Important_ ,” Dally mutters, shaking his head sadly. He brushes his callused thumb over my cheek, wiping away a tear. Then he says in the most gentle tone I’ve ever heard him use, “Cherry. Are you sure that you want _me_? Are you sure I’m enough for you? I mean, you’re the _golden girl_ , Cherry, and I’m just a—”

“Stop it,” I say hotly, holding his face in my hands. “I don’t care if I’m the golden girl. You are exactly what I want, okay? You are _more_ than enough.” I let one of my hands fall from his face to trace the hard lines of his chest, his stomach… My body is throbbing for him. “Touch me, Dally. _Please._ ”

And then he does touch me. We become the sea, rising and crashing together like waves. In one night, my whole world changes.

I try to forget that Dallas Winston is just a greaser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! :) I am so happy that I finally got to write this chapter! I'm so sorry for the super long wait--I had the craziest semester at school and writing for fun was impossible. But now I'm home for the summer and I'm hoping to get a lot of this fic written in the next few months! :) I hope you all enjoyed this wild chapter! ;) It was a joy to write it, for sure! I'm very excited to further explore Dally and Cherry's relationship! :) The next chapter will be devoted to Ponyboy and Johnny--we will finally get to see Pony confront Johnny about his love letter, which should be interesting. ;) Thank you very much to everyone who keeps on reading this fic, even with my many months of absence from it. I really appreciate your continued readership! :)


	7. electric boy (johnny)

Ponyboy knows I love him, and now he hates me.

Ever since I gave him my letter, he’s been locked up in his room. I haven’t seen him even once over the course of a whole day. Sodapop told me Pony’s not feeling well, but I know he’s just avoiding me. He must feel disgusted by what I wrote to him. Why wouldn’t he feel that way? Boys aren’t supposed to love boys. There’s something wrong with me, something _really_ wrong. Pony finally sees that, he sees the truth of who I am… and now he hates me.

Dally and Cherry just left to go on their first date. I couldn’t even get myself to say goodbye to them, I feel so worked up. I’ve felt shaky and panicky all day long. I can’t breathe quite right and I keep feeling like the walls are crowding in on me.

Soda spent most of the afternoon with me. At one point, he asked me if I was okay, and I told him yes. He obviously knows I’m not okay, but thankfully, he hasn’t pried anymore. However, he has refused to leave my side all day, which is a little irritating but also real nice of him. He’s tried his best to keep me preoccupied with happy things, like smoking and building sandcastles. I’ve wanted to be alone all day, but I know it’s better for me to try to have fun with a friend. And Sodapop is the best friend to have around when you’re upset… well, aside from Ponyboy. But Ponyboy may never be my friend again.

Soda seems to have run out of fun things to do together, so now we’re just sitting on the couch watching TV. We haven’t said much to each other, but it’s nice to just have him here with me. I listen to his peaceful, even breaths, and I try to imitate them.

I’m looking out the window at the sunset when I hear footsteps on the stairs. My head turns toward the sound so fast that I feel like I gave myself whiplash. I watch as Ponyboy reaches the end of the stairs, his bright green-gray eyes trained on me. His long, reddish brown hair is greased back as always, and I can’t help but wish I could run my hands through it. He looks tall standing above me, but not in a scary kind of way; no, he looks tall in the kind of way that makes me feel heat in the pit of my stomach. He crosses his arms over his chest like he always does when he’s nervous. I find no hatred in his kind eyes. Instead, he’s looking at me like I’m his friend.

“You feeling better, Pony?” Sodapop asks a bit suspiciously.

Ponyboy, who looks perfectly healthy, says, “Yeah. Actually, I feel pretty great.” He looks at me, and he smiles.

I blush hotter than ever, and then I smile back at him.

Sodapop suddenly says, “I’m going to eat some cake.” He pops up off the couch and saunters into the kitchen with his thumbs in his pockets like he’s trying to be casual. I wonder if he knows, but then I realize I don’t care if he knows or not. All I care about right now is Ponyboy.

I stare at him quietly, waiting for him to speak. Now he starts to blush.

Ponyboy swallows nervously, and then he says, sounding embarrassed, “Do you want to see a movie with me?”

“Yeah,” I say automatically, even though I’m stunned by his abrupt question. As much as I want to see a movie with him, I wish he would tell me what he’s thinking about my letter.

“Cherry was telling me what movies are playing at the theater down the street,” Ponyboy says, “and there was one that I thought you might be interested in.”

“What is it?”

“ _Gone with the Wind._ ”

If I thought I couldn’t blush any more than I already was, I was wrong. _Gone with the Wind_ is the book I bought for him, the book I placed my letter in. I clench my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

“I’m interested,” I say as firmly as I can.

The movie is starting in about twenty minutes, so we begin to walk down to the theater. An anxious silence hangs between us most of the time, but as we approach the end of our walk, I finally steady my breathing enough that I can speak.

“Pony, I’ve gotta say, I’m real surprised that you want to see a movie with me.”

“Of course I want to see a movie with you.” Tentatively, Ponyboy reaches out to touch my shoulder, and I feel like I’m going to shiver right out of my skin. He meets my eyes and says, “You’re my best friend, Johnnycake. Why wouldn’t I want to see a movie with you?”

I feel light after he says that, like I might float away if his hand weren’t on my shoulder holding me down to earth with him. _I’m still his best friend._

We head into the theater, where Ponyboy buys tickets and popcorn for us to share. The theater is nearly empty. We sit in a row all to ourselves at the top of the theater. As we wait for the movie to start, we pass the popcorn back and forth. I feel much more relaxed with him now, but I’m also a little suspicious since he hasn’t once mentioned my letter. Is he pretending nothing has changed? The only change I’m really seeing in him is how he now seems to be much more aware of my presence. He keeps sneaking glances at me, and I keep pretending I don’t notice.

When the movie begins, Ponyboy transforms. He watches the screen wide-eyed and wonder-filled, his imagination transporting him so completely into the world of Scarlett O’Hara. I try to watch the movie too, but I would much rather watch Ponyboy. I just love how much he loves movies.

At one point, I notice Scarlett and Rhett Butler kissing onscreen, and then I notice Ponyboy looking at me. We accidentally meet eyes. In panicky embarrassment, I quickly glance back at the movie. The actors are still kissing and I just want them to stop. I shift around in my seat, putting my arm up on the arm rest.

Suddenly, I feel Ponyboy’s arm next to mine. Before I know what’s happening, he’s pressing his palm up against my palm and threading his fingers in between my fingers. Without even thinking about it, my fingers lock together with his. I stare at our hands, uncomprehending at first, but then understanding so fully that I feel like I might pass out. _We’re holding hands._ We’ve held hands before, but this feels different. This feels like we’re moving toward something new, exciting, _electric_.

I dare to look into Ponyboy’s face again. He’s still staring at me, but now he looks terrified. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. _Don’t be scared of me._ I worry that he’ll let go, but he doesn’t. Instead, he holds onto my hand even more tightly. He turns his attention back to the movie, but he still looks pretty freaked out. We hold hands for the rest of the movie. I want to let myself be happy, but I know something is wrong.

When the movie ends, we just sit there in silence. After the few other people in the theater have gone, Ponyboy starts to cry. I’m so stunned by his sudden tears that I can’t think of anything to say. Instead of comforting him with words, I just put my arm around his shoulders and hold him. He lets his head loll onto my shoulder. Warm tears soak through my shirt. His body shakes against mine.

When his whimpers begin to die down, he croaks, “I don’t understand what’s happening to me.”

I feel an ache in my heart. “Pony, let’s go outside. You need some fresh air.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, sniffling.

I keep my arm around Ponyboy as we leave. There is only a slight breeze outside, not enough to cool me down. I’ve been feeling uncomfortably hot with the threat of my own tears ever since Ponyboy started crying. I can’t stand seeing him upset.

“Do you want to talk about… things?” I ask uncertainly. “Maybe we could, uh, take a walk on the beach?”

“Sure, Johnny.”

We’re quiet the rest of the way to the beach. Usually I don’t mind silence, but this time, I do. Once we reach the dark beach, we kick off our shoes and head down to the seashore. We walk along the water’s edge, right where it can wash up on our feet. For just a moment, the cool water on my skin cleanses me of all the bad feelings. I stare up at the moon. It’s blood red.

“A strange moon for a strange night,” I comment.

“Why is tonight strange?” Ponyboy asks, still sounding miserable.

“How _isn’t_ it strange?” I say with a nervous laugh. “It’s so strange being around you when you know that I… uh, when you know how I feel.”

He lets out a forced laugh of his own. “Yeah. You know what else is strange? Going out on a date with you.”

A heavy, startling warmth settles over my whole body, and I stop moving. Ponyboy, who has been nestled against my side the whole time, stops with me. The only sound is our breathing.

“Ponyboy,” I say softly, “was this supposed to be our first date?”

“Well… yeah. I just wanted to see what it would be like, to date you I mean. I wanted to see if I liked it.”

“And did you like it?”

“I did,” he says, his voice cracking.

I feel lightning under my skin, shocking every nerve ending in my body. I am holding the boy I love and he is telling me that he likes dating me. We are no longer moving toward something electric, we _are_ electric.

“This seems impossible,” I murmur dreamily.

“That’s because it _is_ impossible.”

Ponyboy pulls away from me, and my arm collapses against empty space. I turn to look at my electric boy. He is a shadow against the night sky.

“Johnny, this can’t be happening. There’s no way that I can feel like this about you. Boys don’t like boys. I’m supposed to like girls. And I do, I think. But now I like you too, and I don’t get it. I don’t get how everything could change for me just because I read a letter. I don’t get how I can look at someone who’s always just been my buddy and now he’s suddenly…”

He starts crying again. Automatically, I reach out to pull him into an embrace.

“Oh my God,” he sobs, fists clenched against my chest. “What should we do?”

His shoulder blades feel sharp under my fingers. “I don’t know.”

Without thinking, I kiss the top of his head. He breathes in sharply, and then he wraps his arms around me. He rests his head against my chest. His sobs slowly lapse into even breaths.

“This _is_ possible,” I say, “because it _is_ happening. I don’t know how it’s possible, but it is.”

He holds onto me tighter than before. “No one else will understand.”

A chill runs through me at the thought of telling our friends. They wouldn’t understand. Hell, I barely understand.

“You’re right,” I say, “but it doesn’t matter if anyone understands. This is about us, not them. This is about how _we_ feel.”

“You’re right,” he says, his voice so small that the wind nearly swallows it up. “This is about us.”

I look up at the cold blood moon and I feel distant from it. Instead, I feel closer to the warm, bright stars. Holding Ponyboy makes me feel like I’m full of stars. I hope I can hold him for the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everyone who has stuck it out with me as I slowly write this story. I can't believe it has taken me this long to reach this point. Thank you so much for your patience and your continued dedication to my story. I love this story so much, so I'm very excited to share it with you. I wish I had more time to work on it, but for now I really can't promise more than a couple chapters every few months. However, I am very passionate about these characters and I'm determined to see their story through to the end. I hope that you're still interested in this story after all of this time, and I hope that you continue to be interested in it. I will try to post again as soon as I can. Thanks again for reading! :)


	8. perfect (dally)

I look at Cherry, and I realize I’ve never really looked at her before. I didn’t even look at her last night when I was fucking her. But now I look at her, and I don’t know how I never looked before. She’s sleeping right next to me, and her mouth is open just slightly enough to let out soft, peaceful breaths. There’s something about her, especially when she’s asleep like this—something that makes her look special, like she’s literally a goddamn angel. How could I touch someone like her? Why did I think I could make her mine? No one should ever belong to me, especially not anyone good like her.

I close my eyes so I can’t look at her.

_You screwed Cherry Valance. So what? She’s just another girl who isn’t yours, and you aren’t hers. This doesn’t change anything. She’ll never love you. Did you really think she would love you? You’re such a goddamn dumbass. As soon as you go back home, she’s going to forget you._

I open my eyes and she looks so perfect and so far away from me.

Someone knocks on the door. Grumbling obscenities, I roll out of bed and step into yesterday’s underwear. When I yank the door open, I find Soda standing there grinning at me.

“Hey there, Dal. Wasn’t expecting to find you here in _Cherry’s_ room.”

“Whaddya want?” I growl.

He holds up his hands in defense, laughing. “Damn, you’re in a real bad mood for someone who just got lucky.”

“Shut the hell up and get to the point.”

“Just wanted to see if everyone would be interested in going to a theme park today. There’s a local one called Dreamland or somethin’ like that.”

“That sounds fucking stupid.”

“Well shit, Dal, I just thought you might like to try something new while we’re on vacation. They’ve got those huge rollercoasters there and everything. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Soda’s got that shiny look in his eyes that he always gets when he’s real excited, which is most of the time. Right now, that dumb look makes me want to punch him in the face.

“Can ya just ask Cherry if she wants to go when she wakes up?” he asks.

“Whatever,” I say with no intention of asking her. I shut the door on his stupid smile.

Without looking at Cherry, I start grabbing my wrinkled clothes off the floor so I can leave before she wakes up.

Suddenly, a faint, pretty voice says, “I want to go.”

My heart starts beating so hard that it hurts. Reluctantly, I turn to look at her. She smiles up at me in this sleepy way that makes her look… I don’t know, innocent or something. Like she’s never seen or thought anything bad. She looks so damn happy to be right where she is, and I don’t understand.

“I haven’t been to Dreamland since I was a kid,” she continues. “I was always too afraid to go on the rollercoasters back then. Actually, I’m still afraid, but today I feel brave.” She sits up in bed, holding a sheet up to cover her tits like I haven’t already seen everything. A daring smirk tugs on the corner on her mouth. “I feel brave, and I want to ride on a rollercoaster with you, Dally.”

Something hot comes over me, and I forget my bad mood.

In this weird, breathy voice that doesn’t sound like mine, I say, “If you were really brave, you’d drop the damn sheet.”

I still kind of expect her to slap me for saying something indecent like that, but instead she just laughs and turns as red as her hair. I lean down to kiss her and the sheet falls down around her waist.

 _You’re a fucking idiot,_ I think as I crawl back into bed.

A few hours later, I’m walking through the glittery entrance of Dreamland. How could I say no to a girl who laid me twice after just one date?

Soda and Ponyboy run up ahead of us like a couple of eager little kids.

“Look at that!” Pony cries, pointing up at a rollercoaster.

Johnny catches up to him and says, “Let’s ride it together.”

“I hope ya don’t puke, kid,” I call out to Johnny, but he’s looking at Pony and he doesn’t seem to hear me.

“Can we go on a different rollercoaster first?” Cherry says. “Maybe one that’s not so… tall?”

Pony and Johnny are already walking off without us.

Soda says, “Why don’t we all go ride whatever we want then meet up for dinner at five?”

“Okay, we’ll meet you all at the hot dog stand.”

Soda gives Cherry a thumbs-up before running off with Pony and Johnny.

Cherry takes my hand in hers as she starts chattering about all the rides she wants to go on. I don’t really hear any of it. All I can focus on is how small her hand feels in mine. Nothing has ever scared me more than that feeling.

We ride on a lot of rollercoasters all day long. Some are steep, some are fast, and some are both. Cherry screams most of the time, but sometimes she laughs. When we’re waiting in line for the next ride, she’s always holding onto my hand, I guess because she’s scared. It makes me feel like she needs me, but I know I’m not what she needs. I’m quiet for most of the day.

Late in the afternoon, she drags me onto this lame ride called the Tunnel of Love. I only grumble a little because I don’t have much energy to protest today.

Once we’re seated on a boat that looks like a fucking giant swan, Cherry says to me, “I’ve never heard you say so little in my entire life.”

“Your ‘entire life’? You’ve only known me for a couple months.”

“You know what I mean,” she says, sounding a little annoyed.

Now that makes more sense. Cherry Valance was made to be irritated by everything I say or do.

_Keep this up, Dally, and maybe you’ll get rid of her._

As the darkness of the tunnel closes in around us, I begin to understand the appeal of this ride: you can be completely alone in here. It’s too bad I don’t want to be alone with Cherry.

“I’ve always wanted to ride this with someone,” she confesses in an embarrassed sort of way.

Cherry shifts over so our arms are touching. I think she wants me to put my arm around her or some romantic shit, but I don’t move.

“Why?” I ask in a flat voice.

“Because… I think it’s romantic.”

“Ya know, people just go on these sorts of rides to fuck.”

She moves away from me and mutters, “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

“So you’re gonna pretend to be a prude now, huh? I think we both know that’s not who you are.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The question makes her voice shake, like she’s so mad she might cry.

_That didn’t take long._

“I’m talking about how you put out for a piece of shit greaser after one lousy date.” My voice cracks like I’m real upset to say that, and my face warms with humiliation. I wasn’t expecting this to hurt.

“Why are you behaving this way? After everything we shared last night… how could you just act like it was nothing?”

“‘Cause it should be nothing!” I yell. Now I’m so upset that I don’t even care enough to be embarrassed about it. “It should be nothing to me, and it should be nothing to you. We can’t go anywhere from here! Don’t you get that? I thought you were supposed to be smarter than me, little miss honors student Soc.”

“I wouldn’t have slept with you if I thought we were going nowhere,” Cherry says, reaching out to touch my hand. “I want to be your girl.”

“You really think you can just be _my girl_ when we go back home? Everyone would hate us. Your boyfriend would try to kill me.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she says as if that were the most important thing to take away from what I said.

“Fine. Your asshole ex would try to kill me, and then I’d have to kill him. Dating you would be more trouble than it’s worth.”

She pulls away from me, and I realize she may never touch me again.

“You didn’t seem to feel that way before,” she mumbles. “I thought we both felt like we were right together.”

“Feelings change.”

As our boat drifts through the tunnel’s exit, the bright Florida sun lights up her face. Tears run down her cheeks in ugly streaks. Glaring at me, she wipes them away.

“I can’t believe I let a hood like you break my heart,” she says in a steady but furious voice.

“I can’t believe it either.” As we step out of the boat, I slip my car keys into her hand. “I’m taking a bus home now. Hope ya have fun here with Ponyboy.”

I walk away from her, and she’s silent.

_I’ve never heard you say so little in my life, Cherry._

A cold feeling comes over me: sadness. I wonder why I feel sad for something that never was, but then I realize I’m sad for what it could’ve been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I have been gone forever! I am so sorry to anyone who waited to read this (although I'm assuming most people have forgotten about this old fic).. College has eaten me alive so I haven't done much writing in the past year and when I have been writing I've had to make my novel my first priority. Even though I didn't plan to take this hiatus from my fic, something really good actually came from it: I figured out the right way to continue with this story and I figured out the right way to end it. In this new chapter you probably noticed a voice shift I decided to make. I realized that I softened Dally too much in previous chapters so now I'm trying to stay as true as I can to the rough Dallas Winston we all know and love. I hope you all enjoyed him even though he was being an ass..  
> I'm planning on concluding the fic within the next 3 chapters! I don't know when I'll be able to write them--I may not be able to write this again until summer. But I'm graduating in May, and soon I'll have much more time to write! So if you're willing to wait, hang in there and I will eventually finish this fic for all of you! Thank you so much for your support!


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